you promised me my life,but you lied

2008-04-15T22:19:00.002+08:00

oh gawd, so now i'm feeling insecure with the security guard.
god dammit!!!

i'm so scared so so so scared..
especially now that i've gone out of shape, out of my mind, out of what i used to be..
i'm so frustrated with myself why in the world did this happen??
so it's like that now.. and what if we were to finally part one day.
will i be able to take the blow?

oh shucks.
and he is at work right now.
i hope she does not take any advancements towarda my man.
he is mine for a reason..
or many many million reasons.
oh how construed this judgement of mine.

even the puff dun make the pain go away.
i hate this.
fuck you.

2007-06-02T00:44:00.000+08:00

When the sun shines

We’ll shine together

Told you I'll be here forever

That I'll always be your friend

Took an oath Imma stick it out 'till the end

Now that it's raining more than ever

Know that we still have each other

You can stand under my Umbrella

(Ella ella eh eh eh)

Under my umbrella

(ella ella eh eh eh)

Under my umbrella

(ella ella eh eh eh)

Under my umbrella

(ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

2007-05-13T03:56:00.000+08:00

this post is EXTREMELY random but i want to get it off my chest.

listen, I WANT A COSY BEDROOM WHICH HAS A SUPER KING SIZE BED, PREFERABLY 4 TIMES A KING SIZED BED, MANY CLOWN TOYS, VICTORIAN-STYLE LAMPSHADES WITH WARM LIGHTS, DARK COLOURED CURTAINS (HATE THE SUN), FULL-LENGTHED MIRRORS, A WINDOWSILL WITH MANYYYY CANDLES, AND A TOWERING ICECREAM CAKE!

WHAT I DON'T WANT IN MY BEDROOM, A PHONE, A BLARDY ALARM CLOCK, DUST, MOSQUITOES, THINGS THAT DON'T BELONG TO ME, AGING CARCASSES, WATER, DEAD SKIN, CALENDAR, ANY TECHNOLOGICAL DEVICES, BLACK WIRES, PAPER, ANYTHING WITH WHEELS, MAGAZINES, STATIONERY, HAIR (FROM WHATEVER PART OF THE BODY..).

hmmm, it's past my bedtime.i have very happy neighbours. =)good night.

2007-05-12T15:25:00.000+08:00

ok, it has been a looong time.
and i think i'm just blogging for the sake of blogging now.
reason being i don't feel anything much these days to even blog about it.
freaking life.
and i'm just living it.
i'm bored!!!!
i have a job but it has not commenced yet.
yea, damn fun being a festival assistant and an liaison officer.
getting so engaged in the arts fest 07!
yay!
ok...not working..
i'm here trying to sound so spurred on and ready to take on the challenge and my brain is telling me to just give it up..
Bay give it up, give it up..Baby give it up..
On a happier note, if i were to go clubbing this wed, i'll be super delighted.LOL.
omg!ok,i think my mood meter is going up now!
Whahahahahaa!!!
WOOT!
Cos i thought of the last ladies' night i went with alyy and ct.
That was real clubbing alright...
And that was where i met Theodric and Robin. 2 guys who were protective and damn fun to club with. And then there was Orey and Den..both ct's dance partners.
Alyy danced with robin and i was left with the super annoying theodric who had wayyyyyyyy too many comments.LOL.
ok, too much info.
gtg. hahaha.
till the next time, ciao!

2007-04-26T04:05:00.000+08:00

2007-04-19T23:34:00.000+08:00

hahaha. What can i do but to laugh and cry smultaneously..

it takes quite a bit of insanity to do that..

yea, it was sunday.The day EMO struck me.

and i feel down...really down...and i have been crying uncontrollably for no dubious reasons..

i cry when i'm eating..doing my work..when i come home..before i go to bed and even when i wake up. That's like super active tear ducts...

it feels really shitty lah!

and i hug traffic light posts on my way home.

Thinking that they're my only companion.

Sometimes i really develop feelings for these cold steel structures that stand motionlessly.

I thank them for being there for me. =)

and then i know i have to get home thus the temporary separtion from the light posts..

I force myself to sprint and cry at the same time.

it makes you super uncomfortable and squeezes your lungs.so i can cry even more.

for some moments, i feel alleviated from my emotional problems..

but it all comes back....

after some time..

and fuck jealousy! =( and being made use of!

HATE IT!

FUCK IT!

i need to get back to my essay.oh yes, dinner first..it's 2355..DAMN!

just LOOK at my desktop.

yes, i need to escape someway or another.

2007-04-10T02:06:00.000+08:00

Amidst the hell-like schedule with deadlines accelerating towards me. period's here. and i'm recovering from sorethroat, flu and blocked nose..can get really cranky and emotional..especially when i'm missing my sweetheart. and i'm tearing up every few hours..

i feel like people around me have been under lots of emotional and mental stress or unhappiness and somehow it accumulates and i have to be the one absorbing all that unwieldy offscourings. I'm not complaining but for my closer girlfriends..it might be due to the pheromones..and that all our periods come at the same time...thus the increased frequency and magnitude of mood-swings and it's unprecedentness. ARGH..and for my family, it could be the pent-up frustrations. I don't mind lending an ear (in fact, both ears!)to all they have to say but please don't vent your anger on me. Please don't take it upon me. I view them as hazardous material on my road to self-healing..

I wonder is it easy for them to express something they're unhappy, sad or worried about to someone who's close to them. Is it normal? How do you even cry in front of someone? I wonder if they do feel better after they do it. Then i start to think about why i don't have a history of confiding my innermost feelings even to my closest loved ones. Maybe that's why i don't usually talk about anything unhappy about my life. I keep them all within me. And if you have the key to unlock those thick heavy chains that weigh my spirit down, i will pour my sorrows and you'll realise i haven't been introducing the real me all these while.. How can i not be FAKE then?! Even if tears are concerned, i have always wept in silence..

Mary, thank you for the talk you wanted to have with me..I felt better now that your opinion of me has changed. It's not that i have no interests in the arts and that i'm just a student that doesn't bother. Thank you for hearing me out. Thank you for asking me if something was wrong. For asking me if i had something troubling me. For being concerned. For treating me as a friend.

you could be right about me...i don't know yet. do you really think my expectations for myself are very high?

The weekend has been a very engaging one with someone special..Thank you for taking care of me when i was sick..for the stroll to the playground. slow dance so that i felt better. candle lights treatment for the vexed soul. You really surprise and cheer me up with the sweetest things you do. =)

Thank you for being open with me about the problems we face. And no, AGAIN. I do not feel obligated. At least it wouldn't be the word to describe how i feel. I do love you..Please understand that my dear.

2007-04-03T02:28:00.000+08:00

Yes, i know that the previous entry was indeed very long. Hahaha. But i had fun typing it. Guess what! Today i bought the White Chocolate Macadamia Cake! (yea, that's the name of it..at Secret Recipe) So happy! I dabao-ed it back home to share with my mum and 2 brothers. And i can confidently proclaim that i enjoyed it the most. hahaha! They thought i shouldn't have spent $4.90 on a post-baked mixture of butter,dough,sugar and eggs. Hey! Don't you think they forgot something? There's white chocolate and macamia nuts in it as well lorh! And it has to be refrigerated too..pffft! heehee..anyhow, i like my yummy uber sweet cake! =))))) sugar-loving!

Oh ya, i bought contact lens solution at last! And also cleared my debt to Kenneth Loo Family Clinic! hahaha. I owed them $2 for the last consultation. =P

Oh ya i almost forgot! Today after the proj meeting at NLB. I wanted to go home liao so cut thru Raffles City Shopping Centre. While I was striding at 3.3steps/sec, I saw my senior.. Erm Nathaniel Tan Kern Bai! Wah lao, he damn thick-skinned lorh! When i called out to him "nathaniel!" he looked at me as if i was some fan of his!! And trying to get to know and harass him...See what ming xin au xiang has done to him! And then, I had to list out how i was linked to him. NYJC-27th-(and he still can't figure out)-Cai Wen? And he stoned for like the longest time ever..and suddenly said! Oh the very toot one! OMG!!! He seriously gets on my nerves man.. si-two-peed!! RAWRRRR! Then he commented that i look really different.. Ok fine. I was going to strangle him already man.

Catched up a little. And went to Energy cos Nat wanted to get a bag..Took 25 minutes to decide..And ended up being lectured by me..Cos he was from COUNCIL! and yet he's so indecisive. Don't even know whether he should get a big bag or a small one..When he finally decided, (after taking in my brilliant suggestions), the bag was the last piece...LOL. And he demanded a new one..Wah liew some ppl can just throw $139 and receive such valuable and informed opinion about the bags just like that. JUST by saying "hey i need to go get a bag, you free right? Follow me." But i thought since the bag was not in stock at that moment, it was good, cos it might be an impulse buy and since it will take a whole week before the stock is replenished, he might as well go home and rethink about it. Anyways, he reserved it. I think the salesguy in the shop was quite pek-chek also..Like..SO INDECISIVE!

At least i came up with a good explanation on why guys shouldn't shop. Because they spend without thinking...ok they splurge! And they will occupy the shop space AND MIRROR for at least 15 minutes before deciding to get something that women can get at half the price! LOL. but that is for apparel. For food, i think......otherwise. (shall not degrade my gender) After that we went to breadtalk, to get his smart alec, which i exclaimed a second ago that i can't stand eating bread with funny names like SMART ALEC cos they make me choke on it!...haix..that tooot himself didn't even know what's in it lorh! Said it was Mustard...when it was Custard..HAHA! I got a fruittree fresh blackcurrant but he paid for it...saying he wanna share later... ER...ok, i don't mind as long as he doesn't..I have no idea how we chatted until the topic on surgeries in Korea. but it was time to go..and have dinner with my family. =) So farewell nat, was nice bumping into you.

Whoa, my mum was so sweet today. (Unknowingly) gave me a heart-shaped piece of fish meat! i got so amused and took a picture of it! =))))

PHISHY!

2007-04-02T05:21:00.000+08:00

Oh mannn.. I've like finally broke through my oppressed state of being! (like the pic above is taken at TCC but it can be used to portray me breaking free from an asylum..you know padded walls) Ewww.. Thinking of it just makes me have those unpleasant and distasteful thoughts. Like how last week hasn't exactly been one that I would consider to be fruitful. Sick for 3 days. Been to the doctor's twice. Splurged on medicine and consultation. And getting attacked by 2 different viruses. It was stomach winds, constipation and gastric pains. And then just stomach winds and diarrhoea. Like ohhh-mai-gord! What's happening to the insides of me! Torn beneath this "healthy" exterior. Ya lah! Diet somemore.. Silly girl! ROARRR! Ok anyway, I'm like so addicted to the White Chocolate Macadamia Nut Cake or is it White Chocolate Macadamia Cake..Erm, whatever the name of that delectable dessert, it definitely put a smile on my face! =) All thanks to Dawn Tan! Wheeeeeeeee! I'm going to have it again this week! I don't care!

Ok, talking abt the week ahead my plans seem to be all over the place. Like there's 2 project meetings on Monday which is like in 6 hours time...And I'm still awake cos I can't seem to sleep before 6am these days..And then I have to submit a few MCS to my very-suspecting lecturers.. =( I know they won't believe me. But anyway.. I can't bothered if they really want to speculate the matter. And then, I aim to do a draft for my technical rider by Wed so i can show Kenny.*Cross fingers* Hmm, and then I need to go down to Ubi to book for another TP test. That would be tentatively Tuesday. Thursday might have marketing presentation which would mean that on wed night gotta chiong out a ppt presentation. And through the week, better have a report writing meeting and get our survey up by end of this week. Questions would be vetted by Michele on Fri! OK. RP meeting during long break on Thursday. Ok, at this point of time, you all should be shouting to me and frantically waving you arms! "EH!! This friday is good friday! Public holiday! You won't have a clinic session with Michele!" Hahahahaa..Picture that.

Then I'll go.."oh ya hor............................................."

And be damn happy! Cos most probably I'll go St James with Chris! WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO! Oh happy days! Oh man.. I can't STILL BE sugar-high right? I had the cake like friday EVENING lorhhhhh...

But still cannot slack. So must pia for 4 days str8. Then friday take a breather! =)

Hmmm, ok amongst all the jubilation right..I think I need to talk abt the sad things as well..Like disheartening..DEPRESSING ones.

Wah Liao..I tell you ah my brother is damn horrible lorh..That older one lah.. Like he actually dared to question me regarding what I want to do in life lah! AS in, ok, I'm being too gentle with my words AND TONE! The way he asked has really crossed the line. It was obviously an insult to me and to doubt my capability of making decisions in life. And to assume that I have no idea what I'm doing now,no goals, no future.. That's like fucking humiliating lah! And that loser even went on to degrade my passion for the arts. Saying that I can go be a clown in the circus...Knowing very well that I like clowns (as they somehow relate to my life) and that I empathise with them. For that I didn't talk to him for 2 days. Until he agitated me again by telling me to wash my plate at dinner. Said it like an order. Like who the hell are you to instruct me to do whatever chapalang stuff lorh. And it's like...I will do the dishes even if you don't tell me. That guy ahhh..seriously...i tell you....GRRRR! And on Sat night he decided to be more physical. (haha, no lah..he didn't break my bones or whack my head off my shoulders)....he basically just use his disgusting fat feet to kick my ass. WAH LAO!! Angry like the giant in jack and the beanstalk when jack stole the goose, the golden eggs and the magical harp. I said "you don't have to kick me to get my attention what! Damn fucker!" And the next thing he did was to flick his toes near my face lah! OMG. Damn childish can? Freaking 23 liao still act as if he was 22. hahaha. when he was 22 he acted like 21. when he was 21 he acted as if he was 20..19.19.18.18.17.17.16.16.15.15.14.14.13.13.12.12.11.11.10.10.9.9.8.8.7.7.6.6.5.5.4.4.3.3.2.2.1.1.

0.0.-1.-1.-2.-2. He really is super childish that if age had a negativity to it..He would be like -ve infinity! ok, i shall stop if not the childish one wouldn't be him..but someone else. *gulps

On the same night, i got ambushed by the stupid msn virus lorh. the photoalbum.zip file. Haix. How..SUAY! Like rushing the designs for postcard and poster already then kena then couldn't discuss online with my partner.ying. And that sat afternoon i cried myself to sleep a long 5 hrs nap because my dad made me upset. He compared my studying attitude when i was in JC with that of my brothers in poly and jc respectively. And yea, I was judged and demoralised. So saturday has been my worse day ever in that week and probably in the month of march. I decided that i should leave civilisation and head to the land of EDELWEISS that sat night with my parents. No computer.No virus. No internet. No mails. No discussion. No older brother. No fat feet! heeheeheeheheeheee....

Swam for 30 minutes even though the pool was closed. Mum accompanied me to just watch me swim, as she relaxed and bathed in the moonlight. The getaway was followed by a refreshing bath and a lots of chocolates. I had more than 10 servings of rochers, butterfingers, mars, and meltykiss! Then mummy and i watched 4 hours of korean drama at the living room. Super shiok! hahaha, didn't do my work that i brought over. But was good bonding ok? We laughed damn alot until that night I couldn't sleep till 6am. I slept at the couch. APRIL! =)

Was awoken by dad rushing me to wake up and get ready to meet alyssa for our study session and united square. When i finally got up at 1030am. He said "ai yoh Cai Wen your eyelashes drop.(the fake ones lah which are glued for a mth.)" I immediately used a finger to check if it had really dropped off. At that instant, my dad laughed and exclaimed "April fool!" Like omg... LOL! Thanks ah! Just when i woke up! Now i know why my brother is chilldish...and ya, same goes for me. hahaha. So cute lorh..

yada yada yada...

went to velocity TCC instead. had all the yummy food and drinks below while doing some work. and also surfing the net on aly's lappie. i watched my favorite clip of paris je' taime again on it! yay! super funny! the mime one! (i guess i really like painted faces..maybe i was once a clown or something in my past life...)

Oreo cheesecake

Aly in deep thoughts in deciding if she should take out the mint leaf off he mint choc frappe.

TCC's exclusive Kahlua Salmon.

I remembered the last time Aly and I really indulged in TCC was in June a year ago. I ordered a whole cake of devil's chocolate for her when we were liaison officers for The Vegetable Orchestra. LOL. Was damn broke that time but yea, thought since I reco-ed the job to her..And it was coincidentally her bdae I had to make it a special one. So how's eating a damn sinful devil's choc cake with a group of awesome artistes who play on vegetables and a sweet friend at one of the dressing rooms in Jubilee Hall sound like? HAHAH!

We always find ourselves in the weirdest and most embarassing situations. And today was no exception. Eat and drink and talk and surf so much. Foot the bill that time. TCC don't accept NETS! She wanted to pay by her OCBC acct. But no OCBC atms around except at TTSH's 7-11. Don't look at me. I have 15 cash. she has 6. I have 4 plus in my POSB debit card! HOW!!!! I called most of my friends who i thought would have ibanking or was out and near a ATM. And she msged most of her friends on MSN to ask if they had ibanking. Worst thing was that it had to be 1st of april!!!!!!!!!!!Even the most gullible ones are on their guard.. hahaha. Even AMANDA thought we were joking. AMANDA!! Our dear dear dear friend!!! how can things get any worser! and it did. Both aly and i had to go to the toilet!!! Like super kan chiong already..LOL. I called Timmy my pri sch and online friend. OH MY! he was at suntec and he could reach the nearest atm in 15 minutes and so we found a savior!! hooray! wah like damn lucky lah. in the meantime, when i waited for Timmy to transfer to my acct so that i can pay with my debit, aly went to relieve herself. She came back realising there was a UOB bank beside the toilet and that she could actually draw money cos OCBC and UOB are interbankcd!...............ohh-kay.i thought it was only 5 minutes after Timmy volunteered to help so he must still be on the way. So alyssa went to withdraw just in case. When she came back, Timmy called to say he has transferred. Ok, double the moolahs now. Nvm..pay with alyssa's cash. She said don't like to owe ppl $.

Hmmm, so now you know the kind of things alyssa and i go through together...

My family came at 1945 to pick me from velocity to Katong..for a family dinner with gramps! I miss them so much!!! Has been more than a mth since i last saw them! =) I hugged my grandfather when he came out to his garden to welcome us. He was in his usual comfortable white singlet and blue drawstring pants. HOW GRANDFATHERLY! =) I told him i missed him so much and he replied "I miss you too!" so heartwarming....*melts* Greeted everyone present..and had dinner. Chatted with my 90's cousins..And cos my older bro was sleeping and didn't join us, i was the only 80's. =/ Nvm, i embraced that seniority! Then i started hugging my fat overly-round cousin Bryan. He's primary 4 now and weighs the same as me! yea, 50kg! haha, i don't mind revealing my weight. ya, anyway! that caused a series of hugging and we all decided to hug our super young(mentally) aunt...she freaked out and ran from the 2nd storey to the 1st..out of the house and into the garden! haha. but still, we caught her.. and admired the moon..k no link. we happened to look into the sky and the moon looked magnificent. with very defined moonbeams..Magical!*

Somehow, we digressed and we talked her into buying KFC for supper. YAY! We don't normally have suppers..The last time we had was....after bowling at 3am.that was sept last year? yea.. So somehow i felt that sunday was a really good day and i enjoyed myself thoroughly. until it's 7am now and i can't seem to let go of sunday's memories.. I still wish to have myself in the realm of sunday-ness. LOL. Oh ya, before we left my grandpapa gave me something which he folded. Very thoughtful. And he always does it so discretely...But that shall be a secret between me and him. hahaha. =) I love my grandparents! I love my family. I love my friends. And i love you! hahahaha..YAY! I'm so blessed! I shall go bathe and rest my oogly brain. HAH!

2007-03-28T00:10:00.000+08:00

hmm, not much has happened since last friday. still lingering is the elation of my attendance..i'm going for classes tomorrow too. =) hopefully this thrust doesn't die out before semester ends.
MY HEAD'S HIGH IN THE CLOUDS!

How's everyone doing? Oh yea, I made up my mind about something and i'm quite happy about it. I mean, instead of avoiding it, i'm finally taking a shot and somehow i feel that a load's off me.
Just see how things go..Just hope he won't blame me for it.
=)
And i'm sorry too if i haven't been very spontaneous in reciprocating. I'm not like that. Give me some time.. Or maybe you would like to know the backgrounder. It's strange since we did not start out how it should have. And thus, missed out on the foundations. Tell me I'm not the only one who is feeling like that. You even asked me what are my hobbies.. Says alot about the fundamentals of our relationship. I'm not saying I know alot about you..Cos frankly I don't..But just wanna highlight to you about where this is going...

Yup. And i do love the idea of kissing in the rain. Okay, that's random. But yea. Just had to spit it out...somewhere...

2007-03-23T19:41:00.000+08:00

I am so glad I attended the 10am lecture today! It was a guest lecture by our dean, Venka on a very intriguing topic "Photography and the Ordinary". Thought he did a very insightful approach to photographs, the aesthetization of it, versus consumerist ideologies, ethical issues, fantasies, the perceiving of oneself, et cetera. I'm super happy I went for Sheow Tong's 10am-12nn class. hahaa, i think i mentioned that already..

I feel very accomplished somehow..

Cause I haven't been able to wake up for 10am lectures, I thought 1 good way would be not to sleep on thursday night. GRINS! How can one be unable to wake up when she has not even fallen asleep? genius

On top of that I did Jeffrey's museum summary. Draft a few ideas on the Report Writing. And sketched some drawings for the marketing project's postcard and poster. Still long way to go.. But yea, it'll soon be over.

Achievement of the week (wk 11): Full attendance for every lesson held.

Goal for next week (wk 12): Full attendance again. (will be more difficult cause 2 lessons were cancelled in week 11 =P)*anyway, i think French films ROCKKKKK!!!! the above picture is a film called French Revolution. But I doubt it'll be shown in sg..it's in NY! =( it deals with amoral themes, but who gives a s***, just practise self-censorship!

2007-03-22T01:50:00.000+08:00

the art of magic. foreign films. arts and censorship. tools, brushes, glues and their maintenance. museums. anaphasa technical rider.
ok, someone tell me to breathe!

oh, no...wait---teach me to breathe!

I so can't wait for the holidays to come!

2007-03-21T00:06:00.000+08:00

I'd like to see what is the difference between a friend and a dunno-what.

2007-03-20T03:24:00.000+08:00

Had a long msn conversation with amanda and she said that I have this HUGE impenetrable facade, cover thing. Which is true...I don't even know whether I'm being true to myself. Who am I? I don't expect people to understand me. But I don't want to be misunderstood.

I wish to be happy. But I don't believe in eternal happiness.

I yearn to be loved. But I know true love does not exist.

I love to be by myself. But I hate to be alone.

I used to think I don't matter anymore. But I AM matter.

I don't care what people think.

As long as my loved ones live. I think I can be alive too. =)

This is me.

Can you understand?

This is me.

Are you sure you wanna be with me?

That is you?

I don't understand.

That is you?

I don't wanna be with you.

2007-03-19T00:50:00.000+08:00

i don't know why but i'm not someone who would count her blessings.

but i were to do just that, this weekend would have been a lovely one for me =)

thank you for that.
on the other hand, something bad happened to my family.

and for some reason, it involves the supernatural which you can't justify..and the only thing you can do is to worry.. how sucky is that? and it just spoils the weekend..

by the way, i've just been lectured by my parents for the gatherings i've been going out to, too frequently. and for the fact that i come home late, i get twice the severity of the lecture. has something to do with attracting the undesirable. (be it men or spirits) how nice. =/

i felt my head pounding and my body significantly heavier throughout the lecture.. so much as to the extent that i had to shut my eyes and bear the unbearable.

Until i couldn't take it any further, I went straight to my bedroom sat in front of my computer and forced it out. I felt that it was destroying my life. I wanted to extort the pain and all the unhappiness that it brought that was brooding inside me. I cried it out. And i feel pain once again. My tears were warm. My hands were cold.

it is upon human sensibility that what is human in us survives.
sad but largely true.

2007-03-15T10:33:00.000+08:00

Somehow my family is into a tough riding now..

it seems like everything is failing to (co)operate..

2 weeks ago i misplaced a library book..which uptil nowi have not found and thus have not reported lost. Case unsolved. =(
1 week ago my brother's modem spoilt. causing the inability of connecting to IE of 2 computers in the house.. Survived by tapping in Dad's wireless with his laptop..Got a new modem. Good. as the speed was faster..Case closed.
5 days ago the toiletbowl got stuck. Cos apparently something dropped into it and got flushed down. Couldn't use that toiletbowl for 4 days until yesterday when we got a new one.. I don't like the new one as it does not look very inviting. Afterall, i sat on it for 19 years..my whole lifetime! (doesn't hurt to have a litlle black humour) ANYWAY! Case closed.
On sunday, water heater started leaking. Resulted in dampness and the wooden cabinet to mould. Got a new water heater which is a litre lesser than the previous one. Getting new frames for the cabinet...soon.Case closed.
Today morning, i was awoken when my dad asked hastily "Wad did you do to the computer last night. It's not working now." So, he was refering to his computer which he replies emails for his work. Thing is last night i was using it and it was perfectly fine, closing ONE eye for the laginess. =P It's not the video card, nor the monitor. So we are suspecting something worse...Like the hard-disk or the motherboard. Geez! And now dad is super stressed as he can't even WORK! I wish to help but i know nuts, plus the fact that it is extremely unbearable for me to hear him complain, or worse still indirectly shooting darts at me for using his comp. Case unsolved.
David stayed over last night and while he was ironing his shirt for work, he suddenly called out to me saying that the iron isn't working. Oh damn! I filled it up with water..unclogged the pores, switched the plug on and off, turned on the temp to max. Still.. NOT WORKING! He says he'll buy my family a new one.. Haha, but it isn't his fault to be using the iron right at the time it chooses to break down. *David is Paul's friend. Case unsolved.
Right at that instant, Dad exclaimed "Shit!". Ok, waddafuck! so what is it now?? GRRRRRRRR!! His fax machine plug's fuse blew. Luckily it we had a spare fuse in the house. So yea, thank god he got it fixed in a jifty. Case closed.
Another plug decided to blow as well. The water heater one... Dad gotta get more fuses.. Maybe we should just stock up on fuses...(and modems, and computers, and water heaters and irons and TOILETBOWLS!!!!)

On a lighter note, maybe those objects have a lifespan of approx 20 years.. (but im definitely not referring to the computer,nor the modem, nor the iron!!) ok, so that just narrows down to the toiletbowl and the water heater. WHY DO I FEEL LIKE A SUPER LOR SOR AUNTY NOW?! LIKE I CAN'T STOP RANTING!! THIS IS MADNESS! I SHOULD END NOW.

And i still can't fnd my library book...=`(

OK, sorry, I'll end now.

2007-03-11T14:01:00.000+08:00

10th March 2007 marks the day of commissioning of Stanwin Siow Kwong Ting and Lim Hui Xiang. I have thus assembled this photo album in efforts to commemorate this special occasion and for them to reminisce those beautiful and unforgettable times they had in Officer Cadet School. I hope that my photos will portray these officers' emotions in a rhythmic composition of marches, salutes, presentation and throwing of the peak caps. Congratulations guys and enjoy!

(Stand)win Siow

To Lead, Excel and Overcome

Parade March Past

We are one, marching on.

Contingent No. 5 Commander - OCT Lim Hui Xiang

Blessing by Religious Leaders

Graduants March Off in Slow Time

Graduants Return to Parade Square

Affixing Officer Rank Epaulettes

A Proud Moment

Jubilation! - Throwing of Peak Caps

2007-03-09T00:02:00.000+08:00

Cookie dough is the man!
or rather, cookie dough is love, man....
I would really kill for it.
Just had a KitKat Cookie Dough, I bought from Vivo's Candy Empire.

When I first bit into it, the thick slab of milk chocolate greeted my taste buds..while they were trying with a lot of effort to indulge in the sweet rough texture of the dough mixture. Result, chocolate overwhelmed the buds and strangely there was burnt sugar in the thing! Yea, as in there was CARAMEL!! Why did they put that in? I didn't expect caramel to be lingering suspiciously in my bar. And it was only towards the end that it had it's special guest appearance. Like at the bottom (considering the top as where i started) 2 inch of the bar?!
Overall, it tasted like i was munching on a sweeter KitKat that was less crunchier than the original one cos' the supposed cookie dough took up half the space of the wafer.

I would give it 1.5 out of 5 batters of cookie dough! =)

cos' i'm still in love with Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough.
Vanilla flavoured ice-cream with GOBS of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough!!!
THAT is the ultimate kickass FOOD/SNACK I can have at anytime of the day!!

People, time to blow your minds!!

2007-03-08T01:42:00.000+08:00

I'm too fucking pissed at how things are going on in my life. that he (2) said said things about him (5) that has affected me. that he (1) says i'm over-reacting but truth is i'm just concerned, ended up in a quarrel. that i have no idea how everything's gonna turn out between him (5) and i. that she (1) accused me of stealing from her when I did not!

I'm one BIG jumbled-up ball of mess!
But here's to the bitch in me..

gd'nite

neighbourhood.

2007-03-07T03:30:00.000+08:00

Ahh.Ashly CL52 Dual Channel Compressor. Halogen Floodlight 1.2 kW. Reverberation chamber. 16 mics/lines. 16 Stereo/mic line input. Dynacord Powermate 1600, 2x500w powered audio mixer. Strand LD 90 Digital Dimmer.

ok, i'm officially going nuts.

I'm sick. And tired.

In fact, very tired.15 hrs on ppt is no joke...

i want to sleep now. pls pass me my bolster.

ZzZzz.

2007-03-04T15:37:00.000+08:00

I'm such a bad girl.

Going out in the night.

Coming home at 3s and 4s.

But can I help it that I'm nocturnal and can concentrate better at night.

And well, believe me when I say I've been doing my school work regularly.

=(

I feel misunderstood..

So much that I dreamt of myself being accused of committing a crime and crying so much, begging on my knees for a chance to be understood..

Why am i in such a situation?

laid there on the linen sheets

2007-03-03T18:11:00.000+08:00

i'm a little disheartened.

that's all.

2007-02-22T03:14:00.000+08:00

http://www.truefriendtest.com"> >Create your own Friend Test here

2006-11-26T01:06:00.000+08:00

240 times.
Is the number of times the Hello Kitty theme song is being played each day where I work.
It's a killer, I tell you...
Today's "crowd" was better..

Was there at 930am..Cabbed...GRRR!

imagine SITTING there for approx 12 hrs a day.

"CROWD"

The exhibition is called "Hide & Seek With Hello Kitty and Friends""..And yar, Martini and I came up with our version.

We had a lovely tea-break (not sponsored by the arts house, of cos.went to a place 700m away to get it.)

And I made hot milo for the 2 of us while we sat in the open outside the house when it rained.

Phew.

After work at 10pm, I was invited to a council gathering at TCC Plaza Sing. Ok lorh, since i've not met them for so long. That council spirit..Ahhhh..Miss that so much. Was great seeing us "mature". We went to Cartel for dipper(dinner and supper).

Geez, we look tired. ok maybe I LOOK tired.. hahaha..LOL.

Sleep!

2006-11-24T23:38:00.000+08:00

age is catching up real quickly.
i look like 21, 22 now...
Ahhh.

oh wells, 104 hours at The Arts House will make it worse.
Not to mention with all the CATS!!
Lucky for me, I've got good company and 2 girls to play with.
the failure is more or less subsiding.and guess what? I took a COMFORT CAB TO WORK TODAY.
Oh hell!
there goes my "promise"...

Anyway,i need to start looking young again..
Any pointers?? =)

2006-11-23T23:08:00.000+08:00

classic failure..

CLASSIC!

Blame it on my luck...

So fucking pissed off at the tucks who PURPOSELY not gave way to me.

1/2 way into the lane already sia..He damn bloody cock-eyed to not see 2 L plate huh?

Somemore have to accelerate and cause me to have an immd failure.

For that, i'm gonna boycott Comfort Cab and take other taxis mannn...(at least for a week,haha)

Freaking du lan now.

I only lost 2 points in the entire circuit due to turning the steering wheel whilst vehicle is stationary.

Yea, i know..

Don't give up. Try again.

More experience....

) :

I'll heed that and just enjoy driving with my NICE instructor again.

Till the next time...

I'm gonna get you!

I swear!!!!

And it, I will have a chance to use you since i've already bought you.

P.S*Eric told me today that I look decent but I'm actually not..

But I'm taking it with a pinch of salt. And I look like a chiongster mehhh???

Besides that, I saw Shane's back today when i was late for work.

Eugene's red beret presentation is today.He was hoping that I would attend. But, i couldn't bring myself to do it. I can't face him yet..There's just so much to clear up before we meet again.And the fact that I'm going to bring up the issue of a break up..Sighs.

On a lighter note, granduncle was cremated at 2pm..

Today has been a long day.. And it's time to lay my head on my Secret Wish scented pillow.Ahh,heavenly. I'm with granduncle..

2006-11-22T23:12:00.000+08:00

My formula for tomorrow's battle..

Focus,safety,precision,clear-headedness.

And i bought it already...

2006-11-22T02:56:00.000+08:00

It doesn't really matter now you're gone

You never were around that much to speak of

Didn't think that I could live without you, baby

It couldn't be that hard to live alone

But I'm all, all alone again

Thinking you will never say that you'll be home again

And it's gonna be a long night

And it's gonna be cold without your arms

And I`m gonna get stage fright caught in the headlights

It's gonna be a long night

And I know I'm gonna lose this fight

Once upon a time we fell in love

And I thought that I would be the only one

But now I'm on, I'm on my own again

Thinking you will never show you won't be home again

And it's gonna be a long night

And it's gonna be cold without your arms

And I`m gonna get stage fright caught in the headlights

It's gonna be a long night

And I know I'm gonna lose this fight

Lost in your arms baby

Lost in your arms

Now I'm on my own again

Thinking you will never show you won't be home again

And it's gonna be a long night

And it's gonna be cold without your arms

And I`m gonna get stage fright caught in the headlights

It's gonna be a long night

And I know I'm gonna lose this fight

I'm gonna get stage fright caught in the headlights

It's gonna be a long night

And I know I'm gonna lose this fight

I'm lost in your arms baby

Lost in your arms

*If she hears this song, and if she feels what the lyrics say, I'm going to cry on her behalf. I want to keep her company on this long night.

2006-11-22T02:08:00.000+08:00

Another day on earth...

woke up in the morning to receive news that my granduncle has passed on.

I knew it was coming. Recently having the vibe that someone I know was going to just decide on moving on. To the greener pastures, i guess..

Leaving the barren land of unfulfilled dreams and unspoken,taboo emotions.

We all seem to have a politically-correct answer for everything in life. Like how it's just such a natural reflex to come up wif the counter attack for every "negative" thought or action we do. For example, I say "I'm never ever going to marry.."

But according to Sigmund Freud, father of psychoanalysis", our 3 streams of conscious will inevitably interfere with the original thought.

So, I could be telling myself, simultaneously that "How can I presume at such an early stage?" and "I shouldn't say such things cos' it's socially frowned upon especially in the asian context" and then I would end off with "I'm never gonna marry for now..but it's just a thought and I will bear it in mind and be aware that this issue has been raised in my mind before..."

All these occurred to me when I saw my grandaunt weeping as she went for another look at the man's face she's seen most of her life. She is so going to miss him, now that's he's gone..

It was already heartwrenching to see such a scene, and imagining that i could be facing the exact same scenario of watching my beloved partner leaving before me..

It's like that, huh?

Life...

I'm just gonna sit back and chill for tonight..

Cuppa coffee to go along with the crazy mind. (:

Rest in peace GRANDUNCLE.

2006-11-20T20:56:00.000+08:00

there are points in your life where you do things which you weren't supposed to.

that's the point i'm facing now.

HIM.

he says he's nice to me.i don't doubt that.but wells, nothing's ever gonna come out of it. I ASSURE YOU!!You'll agree with me too if you knew his personality. LOL.

Life with him is relaxed and chilled out. And fun. We ran in the rain.

That's SWEET.

My friend Shane..aged 25.fun-loving.social smoker.SIM.Dragger.Older brother to 2 siblings.No strings attached.JC Senior.Sends me home.Light cigs for me.Intelligent.Good to his friends.Has dreams.doesn't know himself and therefore DOESN'T WANT TO BE IN A R/S.=)

2006-11-19T12:08:00.000+08:00

You left me silently. And i had nowhere to go..
Lost. Hurt. And abandoned...I wandered.
Fortunately I had my friend with me.

So, snap, snap, snap..

I felt like dirt. like the earth that has been there for you.but you..you just stepped repeatedly on me.it can't always be like that....

Colleague Shane appeared. And he was interested in photography.

or so it seems...

I wanted to just fight the unhappiness. We got along quite well..And i accompanied him for dinner. And den, smoked a few cigs..socially lahh..have been wanting to smoke but no one to smoke with.

We chilled out at Starbucks, credits to our colleague too..Jeff..hahaha.Took a few photos. Think i'm real comfortable wif Shane...as a friend lahh. =) So thanks to him.I don't feel so down over the person who chooses to remain uncontactable again. Wadeva...

he gave it a shot..not bad i would say.

2006-11-07T12:18:00.000+08:00

i think my parents are great.

they have the means (in terms of finance and emotioal strength) to support my family.
And, it isn't easy to support just me.
I tried supporting myself, but ended up in a pile of debts.
My friends know.
haha.
And my family, on the whole. is rather spendthrift.

So i salute them.
It would take another few years for me to be laid down with such a tremendous responsibility.

Money is everything isn't it?
And emotions? nahhh, gonna take me a few decades.

yea..and time will pass me by just like a train which accelerates and that moment in time will never happen again..ever..

2006-11-06T08:42:00.000+08:00

so much has happened..again..inexorably that is..
and obviously..so many things are going on in my head.but i won't have time to type all that out.
Because i'll have to start revising for my theatre for an exam at 2pm.

I have this sudden urge to just breakaway and dance at some club
or just simply dance at my void deck at an unearthly hour.
oh yar, before i forget, the last time i went clubbing was wif manda, shane, yc, alvyn and kelvin..ALL NY peeps..At DXO.And a big thank you to shane who invited me there! =)
And the link to the photos are here..
Alamaks! whoever brings a S3 to the clubs in her handbag??except for me..*rolls eyes.
But very accidentally i snapped a few kewl shots..of amanda. i found out that a particular shutter speed and aperture, it dilutes the fore and background. merging the 2.
The effect?
A translucent foreground with the background directly behind it.
I shall call it the dXo-Ray.
So, just imagine, amanda was my fore, and the street behind, my background.
See picture 10 to get what i mean..
I'm starting a personalised photo album(not digital)..on a black scrapbook.

So, i'll be embarking on photo expeditions. and work at the same time to support this high-maintenance freak(yes, i'm referring to myself)..basically for the following which includes things i wanna do too:

Holga cam wif 35mm adaptor and colour filter(pin-sharp quality ain't the coolest)
pending photo-printing expenditure (esp if i were to use 120film)
Savings plan
Shopping and eating with the aly* and ct
mon-wed drive
pass my final on the 23rd!
pack my ever-messy room
Think of more ways to start creative business
04S3D year-end countdown chalet(30-1)
Meeting up (which means more drinks and teasing) with the tuition gang, rouhui,justin,albert and yu cheng
another meetup with rouhui and janice
a design layout of my room in 2nd home
Enrol for unlimited dance classes
Swim thrice a week (i feel flabby)
True yoga?
Help bro wif his job(so i can get my 2nd source of income)
Continue falling in love with Mr. Right
Organise cedar 4s gathering
Family trip to America in jan'07?
Wipe my window panes and my mirror (to have a clearer picture of everything)

That's about it. I'll blog about my lovelife the next entry..which i feel has alot to be said.hmmm...ok.Ciaoz.

"If he is rich, he is a slave to his money"

2006-06-30T09:22:00.000+08:00

Back..
That was fast.
Right.
Have to make it a routine.
So today, just like any other day, i brought my camera out with me.
And started snapping..
These photos are dedicated to Aly* whom i wish to say sorry to, for being late.
It was good that I ended up waiting for her.
If not I wouldn't be standing outside Bishan MRT and taking these photos.
I was trying out Black & White(BnW) today.

Angle me. Appearance of the bookworm lady. The baby. bookworm strikes again!

Mr Coffee Bean.
Collinear trio.
Shutter speed reduced.

The working man.

No one wants to be in my photo.

Moving crowd. Middle peeps are stoned.

Roy asked what do these photos actually mean.
I just wanted to take photos of the moving crowd..because there seems to be something abt them..like the world to them is non-existent and they just keep moving on.
Roy: They keep moving becos....they dun wanna be left behind by the world..
It's ironic how they're moving to be part of the world..but yet ... ignoring the world...
On second thought, I remembered my thoughts while shooting.
Something about their shadows.
Some people might not appear to be who they are.. (cliche concept)..
Like when we see them in person and when we see their shadows..
It's different.
And it depends "in which light do we see them in"..
You can judge a person, but can you judge a shadow?
In this case, the word "light" is interpreted as perspectives/views.. in the sense of judgement on people.

*P.S Please tell me your comments on this style. Anything. I'm receptive. Thanks a lot!
AND to DAWN, thanks for your suggestions on my "logo". Is it okay now? =)

2006-06-29T02:12:00.000+08:00

"Humans Muttering Voices".. dated 24June06
They strut..
They shop..
They avoid looking in the direction of my camera..
One of the many times i tried to take photos in a crowded place.

Why this piece?
Cos of the flow of human traffic and the accent, pink.
And shockingly, the most oblivious thing, that was the coloured (HMV) didn't turn out to be the centre of attraction.
It was the skiny man zoomed right in the middle of the picture that caught my eyes eventually.
Interestingly indeliberate.
Will keep posting more photos!
I'm just uploading this picture at the moment. Very busy with formatting my computer to make space for tonnes of photos..ahaha. Will be setting up a photo blog soon.
Cheers to all!

*ooh, and count the number of times i mentioned photo. heehee.

2006-04-03T11:11:00.000+08:00

i took the test again and here are the results. scores in blue are the average web score.

Paranoid

54% 49%

Schizoid

62% 53%

Schizotypal

78% 53%

Antisocial

54% 47%

Borderline

70% 47%

Histrionic

70% 43%

Narcissistic

54% 41%

Avoidant

70% 39%

Dependent

50% 37%

Obsessive-Compulsive

30% 40%

Personality Disorder Test Results

Paranoid>		54%
Antisocialhttp://similarminds.com/personality_disorder_info.html#antisocial">Antisocial>		54%
Borderline>		70%
Avoidanthttp://similarminds.com/personality_disorder_info.html#avoidant">Avoidant>		70%
Dependent>		50%
Obsessive-Compulsive		30%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test
tests by similarminds.com

2006-04-03T02:49:00.000+08:00

Personality Disorder Test Results

Paranoid>		46%
Antisocialhttp://similarminds.com/personality_disorder_info.html#antisocial">Antisocial>		62%
Borderline>		66%
Avoidanthttp://similarminds.com/personality_disorder_info.html#avoidant">Avoidant>		74%
Dependent>		66%
Obsessive-Compulsive		54%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test
tests by similarminds.com

Disorder Info
Eccentric Personality Disorders: Paranoid, Schizoid, SchizotypalIndividuals with these disorders often appear odd or peculiar.
Paranoid Personality Disorder - individual generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening.
Schizoid Personality Disorder - individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings.
Schizotypal Personality Disorder - individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior.
Dramatic Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and NarcissisticIndividuals with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions, distorted self-perception, and/or behavioral impulsiveness.
Antisocial Personality Disorder - individual shows a pervasive disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.
Borderline Personality Disorder - individual shows a generalized pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and observable emotions, and significant impulsiveness.
Histrionic Personality Disorder - individual often displays excessive emotionality and attention seeking in various contexts. They tend to overreact to other people, and are often perceived as shallow and self-centered.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - individual has a grandiose view of themselves, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in various situations. These individuals are very demanding in their relationships.
Anxious Personality Disorders: Avoidant, Dependent, Obsessive-CompulsiveIndividuals with these disorders often appear anxious or fearful.
Avoidant Personality Disorder - individual is socially inhibited, feels inadequate, and is oversensitive to criticism
Dependent Personality Disorder - individual shows an extreme need to be taken care of that leads to fears of separation, and passive and clinging behavior.
Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder - individual is preoccupied with orderliness, perfectionism, and control at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency

2006-03-30T14:49:00.000+08:00

oh my goodness oh my goodness..
I'm actually typing this on the computer in the box office of the Arts House...

hahaha..
Today's my first day of work and I'm undoubtedly blur.
Erm, in fact very blur.
I haven't had experience in any professional ticketing outlet, nor set foot in any government related building..
It's my first!
FIRST!!

AI YOH..
i haven't swiped credit cards before, nor have I realised the difference between merchant copy, customer copy and duplicate merchant copy.
It's all different as far as I know now..
Edward Toh the executive for Front of House, has been the one teaching me the basics of the Arts industry... From where the audience decide and begin their journey to explore the artistic and creative developments of local artists and artistes, songwriters, musicians, writers.
To all the people who made these works possible..
How they have come to where they are right this very day.

The processes..

I'll slowly but painstakingly learn the ropes with a fresh and open mind.

The Front Of House manager whose name is Raymond Tan has also taught me how to use the computer ticketing system called ProVenue, which is a very quick and effective way of helping customers book tickets, be it walk-in, or through the phone.
Payments by Mastercard, Visa or AMEX.
The screenings are all free-seating so there's no hassle to choose the seats for the customers..=)
which is a load off..
To refresh my memory.
Log in first.
go to ticketing, function then box office ticketing.
select the performance , date and time. (double-click)
ahhh, it's always like that.when there's no customers or reservations or phonecalls, i'm so free and start to stare into space..
But when the pace picks up, i have customers, enquiries and the phone is ringing off the hook, and I was about to close the previous transaction, tickets not yet printed out and everything..oh man, that is highly stressful.. and i think i need an hour of laughing to balance the hormones in my body... But I guess if i do it repeatedly, I'll (what do u think i'm gonna say?)
I'll get used to it?

No!! i'll get highly stressed!!! hahahaa...nah, kidding lah. I'll get used to it...And be a super multi-task person..

I strongly love this place.. The ambience, working environment.. the music that the arts house plays..it's so my type lorh..guess who are the artistes? Sarah Brightman!(Naturaleza Muerta)...Besides that, friendly folks like my bosses and security guards and people from other departments..

And something touched me too.
It was when Raymond said "Don't worry, take your time and learn and eventually you'll get used to it...If you don't know anything just ask..We'll always be there to help you.. Alright?"
It's quite an ordinary thing to say but I guess it's the cliche stuff that makes people understand what's going on more easily.
And Raymond's like the artsy kinda guy..
He together with Edward has been in this line for more than 10 years.They used to work in sistic since 1993..
Raymond also told me that after I get familiarized with the place, he'll find chances to bring me around the corporate side. See how people run their events..I think the people here really cares and are very helpful.They know what you wanna do and where you're heading to and they guide you to your goals.
I know that as I can practically see his sincerity.."I'm sure that would be useful for you in the future."

Edward is a gentleman as he is very funny to think that I can't carry big books.
He's in charge of both the box office and this store called Earshot that sells merchandise of local artiste and writers. I have to run both sides too..We arranged the books after the stock-taking.
And you know, he actually drives the same car as my driving instructor..hahaa..
You know what are my intentions huh?
I wanna drive his car..cause it'll be easier for me to handle his car..
ai yoh, im still having the weekend car thought!!
But how am i supposed to save up for that kind of money.

hmmm...
well, back to the system.
where was I just now??..see lah, lost due to the rebounce of a credit card user.
The swipe machine denied and said plt not transferrable. hahaha..and that bill was 260 dollars lorh..gave me a shock leh..like did i do something wrong..but it's because the user was changing cards..haix..heart attack man..
after that select buyer type and most of the time it's Full then key in the figure.
click process.
select the seats(just randomly select cos it doesn't matter)
click select.
check for patron's name on the contact list.
If it's a new customer, insert details by clicking on the New account button on the extreme left hand corner of the toolbar. Insert the customer's details.
Contact no and the required field.
Add the new account and process the payment on the payment screen.
Only after the credit card has been approved for transaction then you can click authorize and print out the tickets.
Add the source and update the transaction.
Inform customer that there will no amendments,changes or cancellation that is permitted after transaction is being made.
collect tickets 30 minutes before the screening at the box office.

manual needs 3 receipts.
merchant copy(to glue at rough paper)
duplicate copy(to attach at booking form;press F1)
customer copy(attach with tickets;press 2)

that's about it.
cya soon!

2006-03-30T02:00:00.000+08:00

I just watched a documentary featuring Jacques d' Amboise and the National Dance Institute.

Here's a description of the film.
In 1976, one of the world's greatest dancers began a project that would change the lives of at least half a million people. That year, the National Dance Institute was founded by the New York City Ballet pricipal dancer Jacques d'Amboise as a way of introducing dance to students in the public school system.
This unique experience was captured in the 1983 Academy Award-winning film, He makes me feel like dancin'. From nerve-racking tryouts to rigorous rehearsals, determined children danced through a year of practice that culminated in a glorious debut at Madison Square Garden. But what became of those young dancers? Nearly two decades later, Who's Dancing Now? revisits them to discover the profound impact of this experience, intercutting scenes from the previous film. That early success through arts education, with its lessons of commitment, discipline and resilience, continues to be a vital influence in their lives as they pursue careers in law, science, education and finance. You are sure to be inspired by this uplifting film.

And indeed I was...

The very one phrase that struck me hard was "Nobody is better than your best because you've already given your 100%!"

I feel that Jacques is a very intense man who empowers children or human beings, in general,with responsibilities and tasks that make them learn and make mistakes and learn from their mistakes again...Until they are not afraid of failing. And for him, he knows if you're not doing your best and he will let you know that he knows that...
I feel that it's very important that if you can't get rid of your fear (for anything..)..AT LEAST get rid of your fear of trying.

And after watching this great documentary, it sorta assured me that I was going to do something right in my life. Something connected to the arts..something that I have passion for..And knowing that I was on the right footing..

For those who hasn't found their way out of the fog, keep trying.
Take time off to explore.
To discover yourself, to realise your dreams and passion.
To find out how you derive satisfaction from..
The journey's still long so there's no need to panic.
Weigh out which one gives more positive emotions and go all out for it.

For me, I'm proud to say that I'm also constantly trying and searching for the life I want.

I was also pleasantly surprised by the same thoughts that went through Jacques' mind and mine. Which will be secret...between this great man and me.
I don't think I'll ever get to meet this high I man but I respect him, and his accomplishments.

Some links.
http://www.ndi4all.org/step_by_step/aboutj.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Ndi_vid.jpg

2006-03-28T00:46:00.000+08:00

booooo!
i am back.
and this is by special request of a loyal reader by the name of yang yuan!

a round of applause plese..
yes, this person has just injected me a strong dose of obsessious Nikonic SLR camies' pumping vibe.

oooh!
i feel it thumping.
I was initially 3000259 miles away from the thought of getting a SLR cam soon, but yY's just so wonderful to shorten that gap to a fair and considerably short range of 0.0000000000001 micro meter.

BUT nonononono...i'm not blaming her. i feel happy that she's done so..
And therefore I'm fulfilling her request of posting more recents photos I toook on this bog entry..
So she can view it when she's at work..

ok, she commented that she loves this picture..and by far the only one who knows how this picture was taken..
=)

hmmm..wad others..
some bus journey photos perhaps??

ok, there's also the AIWO photos...

Erm.most of them randomly taken.

Hope you don't mind..Cos I wasn't supposed to shoot when I am working..yea..

hmmm, and coming up next we have, photos of me n my friends.

i like the last one best.

And by the way I'm starting the Front of House job at the Arts House on Thursday.

Wish me luck.

I'm getting so excited!ahhhh..oh if you're interested in any of the screenings (i heard Sinagpore gaga are selling like hotcakes! $8 per tkt: free seating) or wish to book exhibition space or private function rooms can find out more about how to go about doing it from the website..

www.theartshouse.com.sg or drop an email at enquiries@toph.com.sg

Cheers!

2006-03-17T21:36:00.000+08:00

i have a stupid thought.

i miss my toes..

cos they're so far away from me.

sometimes i wonder are they really my toes..
Like i talk to them..
Sending a brain signal to ask them do they really belong to me.

Oh..
how far my little toes you'll be, but I stilltreat you as a part of my anatomy.
Fear not, my child, for you are well protected.

=)

2006-03-12T17:56:00.000+08:00

Can i ramble now?
But it's about something really important in my life?
TAU HUAY!

I'm so sad cos I didn't get to eat my Jollibean soya beancurd this morning!http://www.jollibean.com/aboutus.htm
I really feel very sad.

Soya beancurd is like soooo good!
And healthy!
And when you slurp it in your mouth it just feels so great and filled with goodness.

For a moment you might feel like you're a super slim woman.
Oh my goodness!

And guess what..
I missed such a good opportunity.

To satisfy my taste buds and indulge in a beany pleasure...

What if Jollibean doesn't sell my tau huay anymore..
OR the famous Selegie Beancurd closes down.. (choy!)

Or..OR.........Or if all the soya beans in the world just became extinct!!!

Horror of all horrors!!!
No..that mustn't happen..
I must not allow that to ever happen!
I should start planting soya beans in my balcony garden immediately!

Ok, I'm still craving for it..
You know!!you know..when it's chilled it tastes even better!
Like...Ummmm...
SHWEET!
=)

Soya beancurd topped with glutinous rice balls with peanut or sesame filling is also one of the heavenly pleasure you can experience on earth!
And this dessert is best served steaming..not boiling hot but..just steaming hot..like 76degrees celcius..

Ok, I have to tell you this..
I love tau huay so much cos when i had my jaw operation last year..i couldn't eat anything..like literally anything!...
after the 2nd week my dad brought me to tiong bahru to eat..
And amongst all the local delicacies, i could only eat tau huay which was SOFT enough and did not require any chewing..
It was delightful I tell you..
And I was soooooooo happy!!!!

*beaming with joy*
Like finally I get to eat real food besides all the liquid food i eat everyday for 2 weeks straight..
i.e. water, milk, ribena, milo, chicken essence, home made soups...super blended porridge...

And I gobbled the hot tau huay in 5 minutes which was considered damn fast cos I could only open my mouth to a maximum width of 1cm..
So having to stuff the fat spoon into the gap was quite difficult..and i had tau huay on my lips, on the edges of my mouth, on my chin, on the table and on my lap.

My dad had to get me tissues.

But he was happy to see his daughter enjoying herself after suffering in the hospital and from the strict food diet.

So, you can tell that I was really enjoying my tau huay and looking so unglam!
heehee.

but soyabean is good. (although i don't really fancy soyabean milk..it depends..)

So check out the website for yummy soyabean!
http://www.jollibean.com/products.htm

I will get you later BEANS! For my breakfast!

2006-03-11T18:05:00.000+08:00

IT'S LADIES NIGHT! AND THUS WE'RE OUT!

And Aly and I went to Momo, tonight our intentions were to loosen up, daNce and get the free drinks!

And thus, spare us the men! Who were a disturbing lot.

Fuck! But nevermind i will come to that later.

There's a pub beside momo called Wen's and I posed next to it...in the above picture.hehe. I like Momo cause of it's darkness as compared to MOS (ahhhh! i actually went there for the first time that night..)..Momo's drinks are also less diluted..i mean the free ones of cos..and i love the toilets there. SEE!

ok, in this picture i look like i'm puking..but i'm actually taking a look to see if there were goldfishes in the golden toilet bowl.. ah haaa...so now you get it.

after 2 free drinks , we decided to head to Ministry of Sound, which was the talk of the town ever since it opened.. ..

On the way out, there's this 1 guy who popped up from nowhere and said "Hello" to me..i just forced a smile and left..luckily aLy was grabbing my arm and pushing her way out of the place already..phew..

(ok, you can keep this counting..ONE already)
(got this pic from xiaxue cos we didnt take a picture of the entrance)

aLy told me MOS has candy floss retro on weds. but too bad dun haf for that night.=( retro was not bad..but there were 3 caucasians who tried to flirt with us..and they were coming from all sides.and this damn cheesy guy was singing to the song "i wanna hold ur hand" along with the music and asking for my hand! like WTH! get lost lah!
RnB was too damn crowded..like the caged-up concept..even if u managed to squeeze in, u'll be finding it hard to shake your hips.haha...
We even went to house music section. taking the escalator!!haha..we had no idea why the dancefloor was so vacant when we arrived and so occupied when we were on it..maybe we grooved the people man..
(FOUR already)
Got out of the place to get some snacks at 7-11.
Hotties and gulp.
when we came out there were 3 guys at the start of the bridge..they were not the cheeky sort and just wanted to have a drink with us..they bought a big gulp and mixed scottish whiskey in it..i gave it a try with aLy's straw and it was STRONG! ALy coughed after tasting it..WAH! like they added alcohol to coke in ratio 3:7...

they suggested giving the bottle to us to mix in our ice lemon tea????
and we rejected them nicely...asked where we were heading and we told them to "the bridge"..
you know what one of them said? "is that a new club?"
hahahaha..what a joke.
(SEVEN men)

just then, as we were chillin out on the bridge and talking about the sickass guys who approached us which was like quite a lot already and kena bitten by ants at where we were sitting..(the platform of the bridge)..
a tall guy from the other end of the bridge walked over and told aLy and I not to jump or something..den he came like damn close to me cos i was just sitting at the edge..i just said cos i see you tt's why wanna jump..den he "hmph..never give me chance" in a joking manner and walked away...

his friend said dun worry lah, he only likes guys.. we didn't bother until he came out of 7-11 and pestered us again.. I guess we were both quite annoyed...and didn't even bother to hear wad he said..but whatever it was..i'm quite sure it's rubbish...
offered us Baron's strong brew..ewwww...
and claimed that he's 40 yrs old and still..no man wants him..sad case.

(EIGHT irritating suckers)

We then headed to Gotham Penthouse which I seriously suggest should fix up some sound proof system.cos the music's so loud that it sent the old shophouse windows shaking violently..
I was walking beneath and joking that I'm afraid that one of the windows would just come crashing down on me...
I'm serious!
it's that scary. when we got our free vodka wif lime and checked the OLD crowd out..
and decided not to stay further , we left.
ok,stupid mistake..i forgot to mention we left taking the lift with 2 blacks.
like, we should have seen it coming our way.
"beautiful ladies, hello! are you all singaporeans..aww man,..c'mon gimme a hug!" errr..like it's their culture or something..we did it nonetheless so as not to feel awkward that we're so conservative..and based on our instinct that it's not gonna be more than just a hug..
They then asked whther we wanna check out forbidden City..i'm like"where?china?"haha..was kidding with them lah.They were friendly and wanted to drink with us.and i guess that's all.
we rejected softly and headed for another round of snacks..
Corn soup and pocky sticks..
while stretching on the bridge and listening to We're in heaven..ahh..damn relaxing..

(TEN ON-THE-LOOKOUT-FOR LADIES MEN)

after that we decided to check out more clubs..
we've been to momo,MOS,gotham penthouse,next Attica..or maybe Forbidden City?? (ok,minor asshole on bridge wanted to invite us to drink at attica..NO! was the reply..duh~)

We were walking..and this ANGMOH in his 40s approached us.
At first he was just asking and looking concerned about the "junk" we were eating.. then he bloody hell dare to ask a stupid question like let's go to my house.. We were blur lah..aLy and I..so we just said it's ok, we'll just walk around..then he took his wallet out..don't worry..i'll pay you!

OKAY,that was fucking hell enough you motherfucker kanninabu lanjiao dickhead freakass!
"WE ARE NOT HOOKERS BY THE WAY!"
and he scurried off.
He'd better or he would least expect the consequences!
We were freaking insulted lah! like which part of us look like we're whores!?
Fuggling 8 inched penis carrier!
*****************************CENSORED******************************

(ELEVEN SICK BASTARDS!)

we cursed and swore after that! dammit!like what?! he wants a threesome huh?
i'm even contemplating if his dick is still functioning..
OLD man.

Back to MOS. short fuck from 10 o'clock came over to dance with us when we were dancing happily for the 2nd time! like they just don't get it huh..these fuggling jerks!
Wejust want to dance! leave us alone!
And not only did he not get it once..nor twice..five freaking times!
turned him down, ran away and dance at another corner..even platform he still bugged us..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHORT FUCK!
can u just imagine the sight of 2 girls running away whenever a twurd comes close to them!
The most ridiculous thing is that we had to act lesbians just to shoo him off. He even asked his friend to help him?! whoa..really pain in the ass!

(TWELVE and THIRTEEN SICKOS!)

we bumped into the 3 scottish whiskey guys at the dancefloor.
said hi..one of them came up..
put his arms over our sholders and said "We're here to dance..nothing else.." ok, nothing else,den why do u have to come so close? den why did u haf to brush your pokey beard on my cheek!?
grrr!
so, we called it a day.
chilled at Macs, before venturing the (wrong way); walked all the way from MOS to Liang Court to Chinatown; and walked back to Macs for breakfast at 5am.
Was so tired.
we met short fuck againnn! ran away.
and this guy who just said hi to me.and all i did was to give him a queer look.

FOURTEEN FRIGGIN FUCKS IN ONE NIGHT!

bad bad bad.
the point i'm describing every single one of the encounters is to let u noe how desperate these men are, and their lousy tactics..
never get drunk and succumb to them.
it's a promise i made to myself.. and I'll hold to that.
but thanks aLy for being there.if not..shakes head..i would not dare to imagine..
haix.we'll go in a bigger grp next time.

oh yar, cT,i met justin from SR at maCs.. he just Passed out from Tekong BMTC.haha..didn't talked much..he looks almost just the same.haha.